Deciphering and handling the "terrible threes" crisis

The image of a child rolling on the supermarket floor, screaming and throwing a tantrum while parents stand there confused and embarrassed, is a not-so-unfamiliar scene. Many people rush to label the child as "naughty" or "unruly." But in reality, this is an important psychological developmental milestone: the child begins to desire independence but lacks enough language to express it, leading to an emotional explosion. So, what should parents do?

At age 2 or 3, a child's ego begins to form strongly. They want to do everything themselves, but their capabilities are limited. Added to this is linguistic helplessness (wanting a cookie but Mom gives milk); the frustration accumulates and explodes into a tantrum.

Do not try to preach morals when the child is screaming; their brain has "closed the door" to reason at that moment. Apply the 3C formula:

This is the hardest step. Take a deep breath. Do not shout back because "fire cannot extinguish fire." If you are in a public place, carry the child to a quieter area to avoid prying eyes adding pressure on you.

When the child has stopped screaming as much, sit down at their eye level. Name the child's emotion so they feel understood: "You are very angry because Mommy didn't buy candy for you, right?" Hug the child if they allow it. Connection helps soothe a stressed nervous system.

Only when the child has completely stopped crying and calmed down should you start to briefly explain why that behavior is unacceptable. Then, offer an alternative solution.

"Today we are going to the supermarket only to buy vegetables, not to buy toys."

Instead of asking Yes/No questions (which easily result in a NO answer), let the child choose within the limits you allow. "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?" (Whichever they choose, they still have to wear a shirt, but they feel they have the right to decide). Parenting is actually a journey of self-cultivation for parents. The crisis of the "terrible threes" will pass, but how you react will leave a lifelong lesson on emotional management for your child.